Fallow to Fertile

In the clarity of hindsight,
everything beautiful that I have seen dissolve
has done so as a result
of my own self-undoing.

I am like a garden once unnurtured.
Everything with potential withered unwatered.
Today I bloom
under and above ground.
Lush and lavish green,
a rainbow of fragerance,
plump and pollenated.

I am the provider of the sun and rain
which offers this bountiful harvest before you.

Oneism

My soul admits I am guilty
of that which is forgiven.
My mind swallows the confession
and my body digests it into truth
and I am once again
without hate,
without fear.

Each moment I awaken
into a lighter shade of understanding.
A softer compassion.
A quieter voice.
A simpler existence.

I glow in this illusion.
I infect those immune
to the knowledge of their nature.
I embrace my vastly small
individual many,
and guide them to one.

Forbidden

My self-control
is consumed in your eyes.
The excitement
that I thought had retired
as a memory
has returned with a vengeance
Stronger,
Hotter,
Louder.

The incarceration of this passion
is tragic.
Just touch me once more,
brush by me by unaccident,
breathe heat onto my neck,
pull me to you with force,
softly trace a line from my shoulder
down my back.

Delicious torture,
the resurrection
of what I didn't know
had died.

From Despair to Joy

I was outside looking up
lost in threes and limitless proof.
Your brilliant tragic light
grasped my attention and owned my sight.

Alone in the deafening crowd,
disenchanted and caustically skeptical,
spitefully praying to your fictional hated God,
blind to your own divinity,
you sat separate
crying dried tears.

You were glowing beyond the spectrum
in your darkest hour.
You were a potential miracle
in the depth of your confusion.
You were oblivious to the Providence that chose you.

A metamorphasis is occuring
and you are gradually defining and discarding
the untruths that wrapped around you.
Victimized and villified,
you've been cast in several roles
that you never auditioned for.

If I could give you one intangible gift,
I would wrap in red
chocolate covered courage
to be vulnerable.
And peppermint perspective
to see the result.

Simply Complete

Tonight
I found more of God
in the current of the slightest touch
between you, asleep
and me, watching
than I could find
in the sky or the ants.

The most intensely unexpected
became easy bliss.
I see my soul in your eyes,
it has been captured and consumed
like a drop of rain
joins the sea.

Before you
I was unaware
that I had not yet
known natural.

Apprentice of Peace

Puddle splashing old kid
Indestructable searchlight
Immortal verbal map
Stubborn seer.

Self-appointed shepherd
Melodramatically unburdened
Mired pedant.

Propaganda hunter
Slayer of apathy
Megaphone of semantics
Passionately serene
Hysterical Guru.

Unorganized

Your religion is your rival.
Your postscript says you're wrong.

What you inhabit
is merely a background.
A crib to the swell of a mother's womb.
The zip code of a cork at sea.

God is arbitrary
not judiciary.

Street War

They dwell in an aquarium of bureaucracy.
They dispose of life
for the color of their horticulture.
They are nebulous families
whose predominant characteristic is fear.
Then a shot, a shiver,
a tremendous mistake
which purpose becomes vague.

Can we withstand
being so misled?

Just Think

Like a dusty forgotten cradle
I stare and forbid
the panoramic choices
that occupy my agenda.

I caress my confusion
left hand on my temple, jaw, and chin.
A vague recollection
of larceny and greed.

A kiss and attack.

Casualty

He'd been gone a full year
and there were apt to be more.

A carnal tour
of death and regret.

He runs down the staircase of his mind,
and couldn't crave any more.

He takes what he's given:
Novice orders in commandeered territory.
High society wounds.

Submissive Slave

She tried to sedate the King
on his arrogant throne,
feeble and meek
a young bride with no courage.

She retreats to the attic of his castle
her tears weave a silver lock.
Heavy is the noose she hangs,
A tragic price to prove
that she will always be young.

Absent

He wears the only token
that I had to offer.
It is merely a peek
at what represents me.

We were blessed
with this intermissioin
to allow our knowing to flourish.

Beyond our cumbersome circumstance,
we will celebrate the combustion
of this blood-thirsty passion.

You are a finely tuned banjo
that I discovered in an attic,
waiting for my ardent fingers
to retrieve it's hibernating melody.

Enlightened

On this page
I anticipate no trepidation
but delight in syntax
as if I were a child with blocks.

A knave with paper and pen
garrulous silence,
this existance is not finite.

The ellipse of my mind
from birth to debacle,
I am a copious connection
to bounteous truth.

Unchanging Evolution

Welcomed death enveloped me,
a cocoon built of dramatized fear
and unrequited hypnotic obsession.

An almost-year of forced stability
void of compassion...
a deafening concave.

Broken way beyond the heart,
wrapped tight against the frost
and blister threatening sun.

Terrified into fearlessness,
I lost all I thought I had
to find the only things I need.

The soul of the Divine Paradox
is conscious bliss.

The Graduate

A pseudonym of machismo
jubilation in the hubbub
encircled by a garland of ignorance.

I am a thankful eccentric disciple
determined to decorate the cranky unconscious
with one comprehensive Truth:

I am not.

You are not.

We Are.

Unplanned

A scrape in the distance,
a loss exchanged for win,
unfunny oxymoron of life.

A diminished swell,
a muted sonic boom.
It's only an electron
evicted from a uterus.

On this particular day,
there is no deficit
in agreeing to an x-ray.



*** A writing exercise on abortion ***

Unforbidden

I recognized you
the way a berry knows its vine
and I waited in the shade
for all of the fruit
to fall to the ground unchosen.

I had no interest
in being just a leaf,
and I couldn't have you view
my joy as thrift-store folly.

I offer to you my divinity,
and I feed on your purpose.
We have aged our potential
to perfection.

So let the Sun bring forth from us
what the world hungers for.
We are Heavenly delicious.

Incomplete

Late in the darkness
I walk through God
to get to you.
Within me yet elusive,
you've resided in my heart
long before we met.

My capacity for altruism
shows in your eyes
and I am like
an angry torrid child
with forgotten candy
clutched in her hand.

I can hear your smile
and see your sorrow.
I shower with my tears
and laugh in light memories,
the sum of which
is my massive desire.

Sheep Don't Speak

Your choosing to be private
is a public statement still.
For what you hide is what you seek,
against your own self-will.

Believing you are better
makes you less than what you are.
You claim to be a planet
when you're already a star.

You think that you are different,
and in that way, you're the same
as all the other sheeple
playing all their reindeer games.

You're not defined by what you say,
but by that which you do.
So if you want to change the world,
begin by changing you.

Stop cursing all your blessings
and stop wanting what is not.
For life's not getting what you want,
it's wanting what you've got.

Give freely that which you desire,
and watch it come right back.
Hoarding things will only cause
a constant state of lack.

If you must sit in judgement
then  you are what you condemn.
So take accountability
for what you hate in "them".

The kindest act of giving
is the act of giving in.
And those who free themselves of guilt
are also free of sin.

Discount yourself as diety,
and you discount me too.
But I'm not what you see in me,
I'm what I see in you.

DKNY

The watch that I bought
when we were in San Francisco
stopped today
and it felt like the moment
I accepted the loss of us.

Black and silver
and beautiful still,
although scratched and dirty
from hard work
and hard years.

I just got tired too.

Unfinished

There are moments of connection with you
that bring back the power
of years ago...
Watching the water
channel down the middle of your back
from your wet hair in the shower.
Knowing you had fallen asleep
in the dark,
in the middle of a conversation,
holding my hand.
The way you said you Loved me
from behind a videocamera
while filming my swollen ankles,
like your entire being was saying it
and not just your lips.
There are also infrequent
razor sharp reminders
of midnight terror
born of inconsideration
and this piece is as yet unfinished.

I Fold

You are the murderer of my soul.

I tripped getting into the bathtub.
I had to wash off
this red anger.

I am a fool,
ashamed and embarrased.
Scrubbing isn't working,
so I bathe in my drama.

The scene is set
with locked door and candles
and you don't have the courtesy
to show up on stage
when I'm screaming your cue
from the curtains.

I bought into all of it.
I cashed in my entire hand
and drew all new cards.
With nothing left
but Aces in the deck,
how is it
that I didn't even get a pair?

What you've said
isn't the same
as what you've shown
but I am too tired now,
and the water is getting cold.

We Only Drove a Few Miles

I drove ahead on autopilot
listening intently
though anonymously
as my eldest daughter
told a tale
to her toddler sister.

She made it up
as she went along,
crocheting with words
inspired by a book of photographs.

"I like that you like paper",
she said,
as her sister's head of blonde curls
turned to look out of the window
uninterested.

Impending Taxidermy

I wasn't hunting you
but you wandered into a clearing
and into my sights
blinking - curious - sensing danger
and I waited patiently
for a clear shot.

You moved forward, back, and forward again.
Testing - frightened - intrigued.
I coaxed you gently
and enticed you deceitfully,
all the while
adrenaline
pumping through my weapon.

When the music ended
and the wicked primal dance was done,
we had explored each other
as much as fear would allow,
and found that we fit together
as we cuddled on the Earth's soft floor.
Your heat was healing
against the cold steel of my skin.

I am not sure yet
if you actually took the bait.
And I do not know yet
if I will pull the trigger.

But I know
I am still loaded.

It Didn't Work Yet

We disregarded
right or wrong
not knowing which it was,
and cannibalized each other
by candlelight.

I was positive then
that I'd leave you exhausted
and walk away
sore and satisfied,
having tucked you into
my list of conquests.

But I left you that night
and crawled into bed
with pieces of you pleasantly
all over me.
I have tried since then
to brush them off,
and they won't go.

Your words, your smile, your laugh,
remain persistant
in my heart's eyes.

I hope to love you always
from afar.

Season Over

I loved you hard and fast,
while you covered your face
and peeked at me
through your fingers.

I disregarded the playbook
and ran willingly dangerous
while you analyzed
what might and might not be.

I rounded every base,
hit home claiming victory,
and was showering
in the locker room
by the time you realized
that the game had begun.

I will always remember
how much you liked baseball.

Prophecy and Understatement

I suppose I love you
because you were always
true to me.
You taught me to be strong
and honest,
and you motivated and challenged me.

In the end,
I guess I though
you were trying to change me too,
and I became defensive
of who I was,
even though I didn't like me.

I remember a conversation
in one of my many kitchens
when you told me
I have a long way to go.

I didn't believe you then.
But I do now.

Mary at the Front Desk

I wish I could have told her
in an interoffice memo
to keep him home
on Saturday night
because he was scheduled to die.

My heart aches for her
and her loss.
And every day
that I am not greeted by her smile
and sincere sweetness,
I am reminded of her pain.

It is not right
for a Mother
to bury her child.

Temperatures

I have never felt skin as warm as yours
against my body
through the night.

I wonder
why you are so warm on the outside.
And I wonder
how warm you are on the inside.

I know nothing about you
yet every detail of your body
is familiar to me.

I wonder if I will ever know
what you feel like inside.
And I wonder
if it matters.

It is new to me
to envelop myself in one person for a night
and to walk away
not caring.

It makes me wonder
who warm I am
on the inside.

Tickling Butterflies

A thousand alarms ring
when my mind wanders into tomorrow
and my heart puts you there.

I pull myself back into today
and I have no choice but to smile
at now.

I am wearing your shirt.
I bunch it up in my fist,
pull it up to my face,
and breathe you deep.

Instantly
the essence of you
lets loose the butterflies
always harbored in my stomach
...waiting.

There is so much
I have no control over.
My eyes roll back and rest unseeing
when your fingers lightly touch
my temple, or
trace a line
from my shoulder to my waist.

Last night
you were deep inside of me
in every way.

Tonight I breathe you in,
and the hunger subsides
momentarily.

Moonlie

I do not trust the moonlight now,
you've shown me that it lies.
Words will shine within its glow
and float down from the skies.
Those words that made my heart do flips
have crumbled into dust.
They've soaked my heart with salty tears
and made it slowly rust.
The moon can lie just like you did,
can make my spirit sing.
But when the sun scares off the moon,
those words don't mean a thing.
I'll never trust the moon again,
it's faded yellow glow.
the moon has lied to me before
but next time, I will know.

Miracle-Gro Works on Ninjas

They are both quite learned
in the lack of relevance
between connection and distance,
so he keeps her at arms length
even though she's across the nation.

Almost no one
could fall more in Love with a flower
than her
...except him.
And she's intuitively aware
that the same commercial
that she denied made her cry
brought him to tears too.
Lump in the throat...
Chills from the inside out.

He's not afraid
of what she won't be
if he looked too close.
He's afraid
that she will be exactly what he sees
from that far away.

So they breathe in rhythm
with the Universe,
while the world waits.

Of Children...

(from "The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran):

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of children."  And he said:  "Your children are not your children.  They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.  They come through you but not from you.  And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts.  You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.  You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.  You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth."

Give and Take

Take away this heartache,
take away this fear.
Take away those silent songs
that I can't help but hear.

Take away your smile,
take away the past.
Take away this emptiness
that's threatening to last.

Give to me some freedom,
give to me some sun.
Give to me the peace of knowing
you just weren't the one.

Give me some acceptance,
some worthy self-esteem.
Let me think that you weren't real,
that this was all a dream.

Take away this sorrow,
take from me this hate.
Give me back the hope I had
that it is not too late.

Take away this topic
from my notebook and my heart.
Give me just one single day
you don't tear me apart.

In His Hands

I am beautiful tonight
safe and sober,
the general scent of alcohol
hovering in a layer of the air.

I have the most comfortable
chair in the place.
Three candles warmly reminding me
of the one light that is everywhere.

I can still hear the crunching metal,
the shattering glass,
in the car that was done
before it stopped spinning.

My baby is sleeping sweetly,
nothing but a bump.
Less than she brings home from school.
And I am bathed in the music
of my solemate,
colorful and eternal
and infinitely more
than any use in history
of the word Love.

My shoulder aches as my pen begs
to speak.
Inspired, grateful, and Divine.
I've never hurt so good.

Undismissed

I watched as you drew closer still.
As your fingertips lingered
half a second longer
with each stolen touch.

I saw my involuntary reaction,
the non-flinch in our embrace.
I felt my breath rush in
as you casually passed by
attempting to disguise
your intention of catching the scent
of my hair.

The absolute history
of us long before we can recall
pulled us together with effortless power
and we watched in awe
unable to conjur
the illusion of resentment or fear.

We are so much more than we know
and we're very aware of our elements
of Divinity.

Everything dark becomes an insignificant nightmare
dismissed
when you kiss me new again.

They can't help it.

Her big diamond ring
clinking against her cold, sweating glass,
ice cubes dancing playfully
like the drunk by the door.

They migrate mezmerized,
an alto awakening
from a within
they were unaware of.

A bright light surprised
and seduced them,
and they ignited from the inside out
as you dropped a clever half-beat.

Charmed,
hey nodded in agreement
and rhythm
and God's fingertips are sore
from speaking through strings.